This was the first Halloween in which we went with a theme. Can you guess? All American: Uncle Sam, Babe-raham Lincoln, the Statue of Liberty, Betsy Ross and of course you recognize Capt. America.
It was No. 1’s idea, and I loved it so much that we’ve done the family thing ever since. Now, that doesn’t mean someone doesn’t immediately change out of the family costume for something different to wear to school or trick-or-treat in, but I pick my battles.
I couldn’t imagine topping the Jackson 5 or Bob’s Burgers, but I thought I had a winner this year that required minimal effort, too (win-win!): We would don robes and afros and be….. drumroll…. Supremes court justices.
Too obscure, argued my husband. So, guess what we are this year? Members of the Ball family.
Who, you say?
Yeah, Joe, now whose idea is obscure?
Get a load of this long-winded explainer for our family of Ball-ers. Yo.
First, understanding this year’s theme requires some basketball knowledge. I myself have none, but I live with two people who love it, one, in fact, lives and breathes it.
So, see this guy? He’s LaVar Ball. He’s this blowhard dad to a trio of basketball-playing sons: Lonzo, LaMelo and LiAngelo. He’s totally marketed his children and making money off them by creating merchandise under the name Big Baller Brand. Good for him — and his $5.2 million mansion in Chino Hills.
No. 3 is going to be him, complete with a bald cap and drawn-on mustache. I feel like there should be some heavy gold chains, but he says that’s not authentic. Here’s his shirt:
I shall be the lesser-known Baller, LaCille Ball…..
No. 2 will be LaMagic 8 Ball….
No. 1 will be LaMelon Ball….
And Big Daddy is….
Get it? Lawn-zo.
No one is going to figure this out.