Word Play


Yup, words matter.

How you say something makes all the difference.

“Wait! Mom! You and Dad are getting a DIVORCE?”

“No, no, no, sweetie. It’s a conscious uncoupling. Instead of just one bedroom, think of it as getting two rooms that you get to decorate with anything you want from the Goop Shop!!”

Now you’ve got kids who are excited about the prospect of double rooms, an extra Christmas, a bonus birthday party. Minimal drama*.

So, in light of  Zimbabwe’s “bloodless correction,” I present to you some familyisms, useful in everyday child-rearing situations:

•”I wouldn’t say ‘grounded,’ it’s more like you have restricted access to exterior environs.”

•”It’s not so much that you didn’t earn allowance — you just didn’t experience economic potential for growth this week.”

•”No, we’re not kicking you out of your room while Grandma visits. You’re being temporarily rehomed.”

•”You didn’t get hosed out of your wheels. It’s carlateral damage for a report card that had higher GPA potential.”

•”I’m not so much taking away your cell and cutting you off from social media as you’re gaining the freedom for enhancing your oratory skills via land line.”

•”No, no, no, you’re not stuck cleaning the toilets — think of this as an oppootunity to better your sanitation skills.”

It’s all how you spin it.


*Minimal Drama = cool band name

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