Planet of the Apps


Patience may be a virtue, but it sure ain’t one of mine.

I have pretty much no patience for anything and especially not grocery shopping. But, it must be done. At least, that’s what my needy family tells me whenever the pantry shelves drop to precariously low levels of cereal (“Mom! We only have six boxes left!) and there’s only a swallow of milk left in the bottle. So, I grocery shop. Grudgingly.

I do plan out meals in advance and make a list, but I haven’t the patience to clip coupons. Shhhh. Don’t tell my mom — she would be SO disappointed in me. That woman is such an ace shopper that the clerks usually hand her money back by the time the transaction is done. Really.

So screw the coupons, which I brazenly toss into the recycling bin every Sunday without even looking — OK, maybe a quick scan for any Krispy Kreme savings — but now all the supermarkets are adding apps. Click or clip! Well, I’ve already established I am not in the mood to clip, so I guess I have no choice but to click. Shudder. It annoyed me, but I added a few store apps to my phone. Now my email’s inbox is cluttered at least twice a week with super special deals “just for U”! I hate that. Spell out the damn word, it’s only three letters.

Still, I feel compelled to *look* at the coupons offered because, ya know, it is good to save money especially with college tuition looming on the horizon. Honestly, though, my time is pretty precious and so I am not really sure it’s worth it for me to click and add my “personalized” coupon for 16-cent habanero peppers because I am pretty sure those things weigh so little that they’re free, especially when they “accidentally” get tucked into the cilantro bag. Just kidding, Albertsons. I’ve never stolen a chile. Then there’s the “personalized price” of $4.74 for Chobani yogurt, which I darn well know only costs $4.99 on sale anyway. Time is money, more than 25 cents’ worth, and I don’t want to spend 45 seconds logging into the app, finding yogurt from the “eggs and dairy” section to add to my list and all for a mere quarter.

Speaking of precious time, when it comes to grocery shopping, I like to get in and out and just be done, which is why I will actually drag my butt to the grocery at 7 a.m. on a SATURDAY when only octogenarians dare to shop. But, they’re pretty slow, so it’s easy for me to whip past them and beat them to the checkout line.

And I realize my annoyance may well be the result of not quite getting this whole 21st century app thing because I am a Gen Xer, but my tech support team (aka, my band of children) is union and it violates the current contract to accompany me on my early-morning food runs when they happen on the weekend. So, it is entirely possible that I don’t have to put things on my list only to have to stop and scan my items again in the store and then click them once more to make sure they’re all really and truly added to  my cart. Ugh. Such a pain. Why do grocery stores have to be so diabolical? What’s next? Making us scan and bag our own groceries, too? Oh wait…..


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