Random Musings on Nothing in Particular, Except Oprah Does Pop Up A Lot*

Do you ever have those days when nothing really seems to make sense? Your brain is just chugging away, churning thoughts like it’s one of those slushy machines at Circle K, but still it’s just this disorganized mishmash of stuff, kind of like a dream — but you’re awake? Ahem, asking for a friend.

Well, I could try and make sense of it all but ain’t nobody got time for that and especially not me because I have a hair appointment in a few hours. Since I do have my very own blog, why shouldn’t I just throw it all out there into the worldwidewebosphere?

• Why the hell do people care so much about “The Bachelor” TV show? Seriously? So, some guy said he’d marry this one chick and then changed his mind? IT HAPPENS. Do any of these people actually follow through and get married and *stay* married? And if so, SO WHAT. This is stupid. Just another one of the major signs of the impending downfall of our society. Along with daytime talk shows. And, of course, the rise of the Kardashians and Donald Trump.
• I ate an Altoid yesterday and it tasted disturbingly like soap. Is there some sort of chemical breakdown that happens when they get really old (I did find the tin in a purse I hadn’t used in months) or is it just that I too closely associate mintyness (wasn’t that a My Little Pony?) with cleanliness thanks to all the toothpaste marketing out there?
• My inbox is filling up with job suggestions, and part of me suspects the College Board is behind this because my daughter — who is in the throes of the college admission process (hey parents, it’s FUN and EXPENSIVE!) — applied to some pretty pricey schools and I am listed as “unemployed” because that actually sounded better than “trying to find a publisher for my book” and now I feel kinda bad about myself because these jobs are totally pedestrian, work-at-home-in-your-pjs positions. Also, I think the application to get one of the jobs required drawing a smiling turtle wearing a jaunty cap.
• Just when I start to think that I’m floundering, I see a clip of Betsy DeVos and realize, no, I got this.
• It would be super cool to be friends with Oprah because who wouldn’t want to be friends with the most powerful woman in the world? Also, she is an amazing gift-giver: Mindy Kaling got a hand carved bookshelf filled with must-reads of children’s literature as a baby gift, and each book had a sticker, ‘Katherine’s Book Club,’ a nod to Oprah’s Book Club. Daaaaaaaaaang. Which makes me wonder, how do Oprah’s friends ever buy her anything? What could you possibly get her? Do they just give up and get her a card? I mean, how do you even shop for someone who puts out her own favorite things list every year? Pretty daunting.
• Of all the superheroes out there, Thor is definitely the hottest so I was pretty dismayed to find myself thinking — halfway through the 2 hour and 10 minute running time of “Thor: Raganarok” — that this move didn’t need to be quite so long. I’m sorry, Thor. I don’t think it’s you, it’s me; I’m old and tired.
•  Also, I got business cards made and part of me wants to go all Oprah and start just handing them out to people “YOU get a carD! And YOU get a carD! And YOU get a carD…” But part of me is feeling super stingy and thinks no, I need to save them for really, really special occasions. I don’t know why this post has so many Oprah references. I think I’ve been hearing too much about “A Wrinkle in Time.”

*I feel compelled to point out this little grammatical thing that A LOT of people mess up: A lot is two words, not one. This comes to mind because I was at the Tucson Festival of Books where an actual poster from an actual publishing company had a book it was promoting titled “A Journey On It’s Own.” Grammar Lesson 2: Use “it’s” when you are abbreviating it is or it has. Example: “It’s so cold outside!” Use “its” with no apostrophe when you are using it as a possessive. Example: “Costco has free cake because it’s celebrating its anniversary.” Also, that was a very happy memory for me some years back when our neighborhood Costco gave out free cake at the store entrance. Good times. Few things in life are better than a chocolate Costco cake with the chocolate mousse filling. The vanilla, however, is not worth the calories.