American (Pay)Dirt

Hi there and thank you all for checking in today so I can address the recent controversy surrounding my book, “This.”.

I knew the minute I added that period in the title — after what was not an actual full sentence but just a single word — that some grammatics* would take issue, and they have. I’m sorry.

My flagrant disregard and lack of respect for celebrities by photoshopping their likenesses with the cover of my book to drum up publicity has resulted in serious blowback, with some actually threatening to sue me**. I’m sorry you feel that way, Ken the Kettlebell.

There was also that swank release party at the Bashful Bandit that drew controversy over the VIPs who attended — Kim and Kanye, Lil’ Pump*** — and beyond that, the event riled people because of my sanctioned use of high-heeled shoe wineglasses.

I understand now that it was inappropriate to poke fun at that old, offensive stereotype that “mommy’s little helper” is alcohol. Worse, I now see how use of this glassware was incredibly insensitive to those with plantar fasciitis who are unable to wear heels.

For this, I truly apologize.

I also apologize for daring to believe in myself and my words to the point that I took on publishing “This.” myself when no publisher I approached would. My book of humor essays was intended to be sweet, a lil’ sassy and funny — but not the least bit controversial. About anything. It was designed to give busy parents something to do while they’re killing time at the orthodontist’s office or to just take a much-needed little break from scrolling through the soul-crushing headlines of the day. It wasn’t designed to incite or offend or light the world on fire. It just was honest and relatable and so of course it wasn’t at all what the mainstream publishing world wanted. Am I sorry about that? Hells no. My royalty check is nowhere near what Jeanine Cummins will make, and I’m OK with that. Well, actually, I would have preferred to make enough to get two new pairs of shoes. But, maybe this post will drive a resurgence in Amazon sales… Ya never know.

*grammar + fanatic = grammatics

** You should know — anyone who wants to sue me — that because of a grave miscalculation, as is very on-brand for me and my math skillz, turns out I’m making half as much off book sales as I thought I was.

*** I do not actually know who this is, but a random Google search of “annoying celebrities” turned him up at No. 13. I also can’t get enough of the use of “Lil'” in a rapper name.