Lace for Your Face and Other Assorted Chuckles

For a long time, I was in denial.

I was sure we wouldn’t have to wear face masks for that long, that things would go back to normal sooner rather than way later and so I tamped down that urge to get a fancy face mask. That seemed like a silly use of funds that could go toward shoes. Then, the true picture of dealing with the virus for the long haul hit, and I realized I needed to suck it up and just own our current situation. So, I acquired glittery hand sanitizer and a mask that looks suspiciously like it was formerly used to cover the nether regions of an exotic male dancer.

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If ya have to wear one, might as well have fun with it, right? Although I really am confused by the overtly lingerie-inspired ones like this. Lace for your face? It looks full-on like a repurposed bra:

 

 

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Also, I can think of no better use of time than to read Amazon reviews about products that I will most likely never buy because then you get to see gems like this:

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ALSO also, I surely am not the only one to start experiencing mental deterioration as a result of the pandemic (OK, so it’s more likely the related pandemic drinking causing the spiral). I keep losing track of my thoughts and am walking into rooms and forgetting why way more than I ever used to. It’s gotten so bad that a few weeks ago, No. 3 asked me to order some sunglasses for him. He’d picked out a pair and had them in the cart on the computer screen. All I had to do was plug in my credit card info and my personal details, like email and mailing address. So, I did.

One day went by, then another. Still no email confirmation. Which was weird.

I checked my inbox and outbox in both email accounts. No sign.

Guess I didn’t really order them? But it really seemed like I did. After a week, we went through the whole process again because I decided I must not have actually placed an order and no joke, two days later, the glasses arrived.

“Fastest shipping ever!” No. 3 proclaimed.

He was right. But a funny thing happened … Three days after the glasses arrived, I received a shipping notification. Was it possible that I really did order them the first time? Could I have ordered them twice? I reached out to customer service and lo and behold, I messed up my freakin’ email address that I’ve had for eternity. The funny, friendly response from customer service:

“… so I believe that is the culprit for why you did not receive the email. I have now  corrected that email and re-sent your order confirmation.”

The charming customer service rep also went on to type, “Now I am not sure if you want two identical sunnies (not judging) so I will include the process of initiating a return of either order below!”

My response back: “You guys should sell reading glasses, too.”

 

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