Lace for Your Face and Other Assorted Chuckles

For a long time, I was in denial.

I was sure we wouldn’t have to wear face masks for that long, that things would go back to normal sooner rather than way later and so I tamped down that urge to get a fancy face mask. That seemed like a silly use of funds that could go toward shoes. Then, the true picture of dealing with the virus for the long haul hit, and I realized I needed to suck it up and just own our current situation. So, I acquired glittery hand sanitizer and a mask that looks suspiciously like it was formerly used to cover the nether regions of an exotic male dancer.

If ya have to wear one, might as well have fun with it, right? Although I really am confused by the overtly lingerie-inspired ones like this. Lace for your face? It looks full-on like a repurposed bra:

Also, I can think of no better use of time than to read Amazon reviews about products that I will most likely never buy because then you get to see gems like this:

ALSO also, I surely am not the only one to start experiencing mental deterioration as a result of the pandemic (OK, so it’s more likely the related pandemic drinking causing the spiral). I keep losing track of my thoughts and am walking into rooms and forgetting why way more than I ever used to. It’s gotten so bad that a few weeks ago, No. 3 asked me to order some sunglasses for him. He’d picked out a pair and had them in the cart on the computer screen. All I had to do was plug in my credit card info and my personal details, like email and mailing address. So, I did.

One day went by, then another. Still no email confirmation. Which was weird.

I checked my inbox and outbox in both email accounts. No sign.

Guess I didn’t really order them? But it really seemed like I did. After a week, we went through the whole process again because I decided I must not have actually placed an order and no joke, two days later, the glasses arrived.

“Fastest shipping ever!” No. 3 proclaimed.

He was right. But a funny thing happened … Three days after the glasses arrived, I received a shipping notification. Was it possible that I really did order them the first time? Could I have ordered them twice? I reached out to customer service and lo and behold, I messed up my freakin’ email address that I’ve had for eternity. The funny, friendly response from customer service:

“… so I believe that is the culprit for why you did not receive the email. I have now  corrected that email and re-sent your order confirmation.”

The charming customer service rep also went on to type, “Now I am not sure if you want two identical sunnies (not judging) so I will include the process of initiating a return of either order below!”

My response back: “You guys should sell reading glasses, too.”