Alone At Last

Oh hey!

How you doin’?

It’s been a long time since it’s been just … us. A looooooooooong time. Like, maybe a year? No, that can’t be right. Wow! I mean, it probably hasn’t been quite that long, but it sure seems like it’s been a ridiculous length of time since we were here together and I could just concentrate, really think about what I’m typing for you.

Joe will be back soon — after a lil’ trip to the FedEx store — so we don’t have a ton of time, but he’ll just hole up in his home office and shut the door until he emerges shortly before dinner anyway. If he gets super loud in his meetings, which he usually does, I’ll just put in the IBuds. Is that what they’re called? Omg. How am I blanking on those? I-Whats? The earbuds? Now I’m going to have to Google. Hold, please…

AIRPODS! They really should have been EarPods. Why are they not EarPods? That can’t be right. I’m going to go check again. Oooooooooh. EarPods are the ones with a wire. Phew. For a second I thought I missed out on a million-dollar naming opportunity.

But, anyway … there are … no …. kids… in … the … house… my … house… Right now.

Well, No. 3 is pretty much always gone with school and basketball and a newly discovered love of golf (weird), but No. 2 is pretty much always here and usually always up in my grill since she’s had nothing to do for the past 36 days, not that I’ve been counting. So, to have her away at college classes in person one day a week for three hours is amazing. GLORIOUS even. I was giddy about it yesterday, just giddy, telling my friends and when they asked what I was going to do, I had no idea because the possibilities are endless! I mean, I still don’t know what I’m going to do but YAY.

Huh, maybe my first order of business should be to set my calendar to the right day. Ah, cute. A gift from a friend, it’s full of positive affirmations and today’s message has a little blue turtle and he’s saying, “I don’t know where I’m headed, but I can figure it out when I get there.”

Awww. Yes, you can, buddy! No need to stress!

Woink woink!*

That was my phone. Well that didn’t take long. No. 2 was gone for only 18 minutes and she’s already texting. She doesn’t know if she’s allowed in the classroom. Well, she’ll find out soon enough.

So, what was I saying? Yes, I’m alone. ALONE. Well, except for my snoring dogs. Has anyone done TikToks of snoring dogs yet? That could be a million-dollar idea. Dammit. I checked, OF COURSE it’s been done.

Ooh! There goes my phone again! Yay, my friend Sherry got her birthday gift card. It’s the day after her birthday, but not bad.

Did the computer ping? New email! Oooh, Shopbop is having a sale. I wonder if any of my wish-listed items are on more sale. Excuse me for a sec. Be right back!

Dang. Everything’s already sold out in my size. Oh wait, Revolve is having a sale, too! Oooooh! BRB. That black tank dress I wanted dropped in price enough for me to truly consider buying. I should probably get it. I’d get a lot of wear since here we are, still in the 70s, in January. I could wear it right now even. Eh, I’ll leave the window open in the background and mull.

Woink woink!

Again?! Isn’t she in class? What now? Oh, she wants to order her text books when she gets home. Sure. Why not.

OK, where was I? Oh yeah, I was listening to an NPR story this morning about how KN95 masks are the way to go. What’s our mask situation? I should go look.

Yeah, I should order some more.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwaaagghh! Sorry, please forgive the yawn. I am so tired. Whoa, wait a hot minute: I COULD take a nap. I have enough time. I could totally do it. But, I should probably try and be productive. I’ll go grab that drink powder with B vitamins and ginseng that’s supposed to be good for the ol’ metabolism and energy level. I don’t know if it really works, but it’s not like I can drink coffee in the afternoon. I don’t dare risk losing any precious bit of sleep. I wonder how much I’m getting a night anyway. I should check the Fitbit … Seriously? How can 6 hours and 42 minutes qualify as “good.” It is not good, not by a long shot.

Maybe a snack will snap me out of it. Let’s see what we got. Oh, yeah, I made those stout cookie bars! No, I shouldn’t have a cookie. Don’t eat a cookie, don’t eat a cookie, don’t eat a cookie … don’t … Oooh, honey wheat pretzels! There we go. I’ll grab a handful of those instead.

I’m back. Yeah, I still want a cookie.

I’m getting a cookie.

Hey, back again. That was quite good. I don’t understand how I can despise beer but love everything made with it, beer cheese dip, French toast, stout cookies … I’m getting another one. I mean, after all, I am supposed to be living it up, am I not?

Woink woink!

No, no, no. NOOOOOOOOOOO! Already?! But, but, but … I’ve done nothing. Dang. And my naaaaaaaaap!

Oh wait, I get a do-over next Thursday. Yeeeeeess. I am totally rain-checking that three-hour nap.

*No matter what anyone says, the “Law and Order” sound is WOINK WOINK and not “dun dun.”