It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chaos…

Same, Lulu, same.

Breathe in, 2…3…4…

Hold, 2…3…4…5…6…7…

Exhale, 2…3…4…5…6…7…8…

Did that do it? 

NO.

My heart rate’s still elevated. In fact, now it’s higher! Up from 111 to 123 after doing Dr. Andy Weil’s proven Relaxing Breath TM* exercise, which is supposed to make people calm the hell down.

Unless you’re me. The only thing that will work is slipping into a light coma. No, it had better be a heavy one because I’d still hear everything and get agitated if the coma were light.

This can only mean one thing: It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Yay!

How can we barely be a week into December, and I’m already sick of every Christmas song? Why did everyone in the United States decide the North Tucson Target is the place to be this time of year? Also, why is road work going on near my house NOW and backing up traffic at the WORST possible times of day? Also also, what dumbass thought this would be the perfect time for basketball season? Because joined with all the snowbirds and traffic and holiday hoopla, we’ve also got hoops, including an out-of-town basketball tournament the day after Christmas. 

I’m also trying very hard, because I really do SO love pressure and anxiety, to shoehorn in professional family Christmas photos because if not now, when? When will there be another chance? WHEN WILL WE ALL FIVE BE TOGETHER AGAIN?!

And this thought kicks up my empty-nesting angst and… 

Breathe in, 2…3…4…

Hold, 2…3…4…5? How long do I keep this breath in? 6? I’m just going to exhale now. Close enough.

I’ve been soaking in all the wise, self-love, “hey-you-got-this!” advice that knowing people are sharing — on Instagram — and it’s not helping. At. All.

On top of everything else, I am very, very, VERY sick of making dinner.

But I know this is just grumpy ol’ Today Me. Today Me barely had 5 hours of sleep (see above rant about basketball because the game involved a 3-hour roundtrip drive). Today Me is going to focus on the day’s triumphs: I’m basically done with my shopping! I wrapped a present! I did two loads of laundry! I picked up an editing gig that will help pay for Christmas!

But mostly I think Today Me is going to be psyched that Last Week Me had the foresight to hide the Trader Joe’s Candy Cane Joe-Joe’s behind a box of high fiber cereal because as much as we might try to fight it, we all know season’s eatings is the best way to get through the stressful  holidays.

* I don’t know that it’s really trademarked. I just wanted to say that. Also, I will say that if I take more than one breath, I tend to lose count so … maybe he’s not a charlatan and it’s just me?