When Life Gives You Lemons, Turn It Into A Subaru Ascent

I can’t even count the number of recalls there have been on my car. Four? Five? Oooh, maybe even six with the latest one I just read about in the paper — a COMBUSTION RECALL*!

Subaru warned Ascent owners to park their cars outdoors because THEY MIGHT CATCH ON FIRE. 

Daaaaaang, Subaru. Go big or go home.

We do have a carport, but just in case I called and left a very long, weird message for my service advisor to see if my ride was one of those affected by the recall because as stressed about the holidays as I am right now, I don’t think blowing up the car is the answer. At least not today anyway.

And the thing is, it wasn’t a big deal for them to check because my car was already there, getting diagnosed for yet another, um, issue.

I’d innocently gone on a Target pickup, popped the trunk and not only would it not open, but the car proceeded to spit out constant, very high-pitched whining, which, granted, I do, too, but in this case it was VERY annoying. Also, it would not stop. Not when I turned the car off, not when I pressed the buttons to pop the latch. I even consulted my manual, what a time-waster that was because no one in the history of motor vehicles has ever solved a problem by reading that thing. 

I had shit to do and no time to mess with this, so I proceeded with my errands. Went to Sprouts, with the high-pitched whine strong as ever.

I turned up the radio.

As soon as I pulled into the driveway, I called Subaru and a nice employee tried to trouble-shoot over the phone, but that didn’t work either.

Since I had nothing better to do on a Saturday, I drove the 54.6 miles to the dealership. I felt confident that the loud shrillness would be attended to quite promptly. And probably they’d also look at the car right away, too.

The whining — from the car —has stopped at last after a … brand-new battery! Under an extended warranty! And even better, I got this $5 coupon from Subaru, so thoughtful, which will be just about perfect for a down payment — if they’ll let me apply it to a Honda.  

*Of course that’s a band name! Also, the part is on order, so … wish me luck?

2 thoughts on “When Life Gives You Lemons, Turn It Into A Subaru Ascent

  1. Oh no! I read the article about the Subaru Ascent recall. Yikes! Then today I read about the Subaru Forester getting a “marginal” safety rating based on back seat passenger crash data. Ugh! Luckily we rarely ride in the back of our car and pooches only need to ride once every six months or so for vet visits…so, since we just bought this car, we’ll have to deal with it for the next 12-15 years. 🤣🙏🏽 Good luck with your vehicle!


    1. Ugh, Patty! Ours is 3 years old, but is basically new since the transmission got replaced. LOL, but not LOL.


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